Ramen no Jutsu
by Drop of the Sweetest Poison
Summary: One-shot! It just doesn't seem real... How does Kakashi finish a whole bowl of ramen without ever showing his face?


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Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

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_Title_: Ramen no Jutsu

_Summary_: One-shot! It just doesn't seem real... How does Kakashi finish a whole bowl of ramen without ever showing his face?

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"Yeah! There it is! The Ichiraku! Ramen party!" Naruto bellowed, racing to the ramen stand immediately as it came into sight. He was followed by his teammates, Sasuke and Sakura, as well as their reluctant sensei, Kakashi.

"Loser." Sasuke scoffed. "How could anyone get that excited over ramen?"

Sakura laughed. "That's Naruto for you!"

Kakashi's eye creased with a smile concealed under his mask.

Taking their seats at the counter, they ordered their ramen.

"What's this for again?" Sasuke muttered, folding his hands under his chin.

"Well, Naruto and I had decided that going out for ramen would be the best way to celebrate our success as a team. Err... Actually, I didn't really agree to going out for ramen. You can blame him for that." Kakashi chuckled, ruffling Naruto's hair affectionately.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with ramen!" Naruto defended. "In fact, every time we need to celebrate, we'll meet here at the Ichiraku! Believe it!"

"Don't count on it," Sakura ground out. "Ramen isn't exactly my favorite meal."

"Next time, we go to the bar?" Kakashi suggested jokingly.

"Alright! That's the way to go, Master Kakashi! _Believe it_!"

"Yeah! That sounds fun!"

"At least it's better than ramen..."

Kakashi slapped his forehead. "I was joking! You're all twelve years of age! Definitely not old enough to drink, let alone _sit_ at the bar!"

"Aww! Master Kakashi, don't get us all excited like that and take back what you say!" Naruto scolded, narrowing his eyes to slits. "Totally uncool!"

"Actually, I don't think I could handle the bar that well," Sakura rubbed the back of her neck nervously.

"Hn. No, I don't think you could," Sasuke affirmed coldly, sipping at a cup of steaming green tea that had just been set in front of him.

"You say that as if you've been to a bar before, Sasuke! What's the deal?" Naruto blurted out, turning his widened eyes to the dark-haired boy.

"So what if I have?" Sasuke baited.

Kakashi choked.

"No way! You're such a liar!" Naruto crossed his arms, swinging his feet under the counter.

"_Sasuke_! Please, tell me you're not serious!" Kakashi exclaimed, taking the boy by the shoulders.

"I'm not serious."

"Good." he sighed.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a moment that was broken only by the sounds of boiling water in the back of the store.

"I bet I can get into a bar before you," Naruto hissed to Sasuke.

"You're on."

Both boys cried out in pain and clutched the backs of their heads where Kakashi had landed admonishing slaps.

"Sasuke! Naruto! Enough of that! You will _not_ go near a bar until you're of legal drinking age!"

Naruto growled at his team leader. He opened his mouth to retort, but the arrival of the ramen silenced him.

"Enjoy!" the owner beamed, proudly setting his widely-acclaimed noodles before all four customers.

"Alright! Now, that's what I'm talking about!" Naruto cried, tugging his bowl closer, along with his pair of chopsticks. "This is the best ramen in the entire world! _Believe it_!" He winked at his friends before digging into his food.

"O-oh! Thank... _thank you_!" the Ichiraku owner stuttered, blushing. "You flatter my recipe too much, Master Uzumaki!"

"Well, it's true!" Naruto laughed through a mouth full of noodles.

With that, Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke began eating, as well.

Sakura observed her sensei from the corner of her eye. 'There's no way he can eat without me seeing his face! Cha! Finally!'

Instead of eating the noodles, however, Kakashi swirled them around his bowl calmly.

'C'mon! Eat it! Or drink your tea!'

His cup of tea remained untouched, having lost most of its warmth.

Sakura's eyes left Kakashi's actions for a moment while she lifted noodles to her mouth. When she glanced back at her sensei, her mouth dropped open.

Kakashi folded his hands on the counter nonchalantly.

His ramen had disappeared. As did his green tea.

"_Wow_! Done, already, Master Kakashi?" Naruto marveled. "You must have been very hung..."

Kakashi grinned at the dumbstruck expression on his student's face.

"_Hey!_ _Wait a minute_! How did you eat your ramen and drink your tea _without taking off your mask_?"

Serious, Kakashi answered, "Ramen no Jutsu."

Naruto gaped, his eyes sparkling. "R-_ramen no Jutsu_? _Ooh_!" He liked the sound of that.

Sasuke snorted. "Yeah, right. What kind of loser would believe that?"

"Oh, Master Kakashi, teach me! _Teach me_! Teach me the mystical ways of the Ramen no Jutsu! _Please_?" Naruto begged, flailing his arms.

"Only Naruto," Sasuke muttered, his eye twitching in annoyance.

"Alright, Naruto, I'll teach you the mystical ways of the Ramen no Jutsu," Kakashi whispered slyly.

"_Idiots_! I'm surrounded by idiots!"

Kakashi ignored Sasuke's exasperated words and leaned closer to Naruto. "The trick is this: ...focus your chakra on the bowl of ramen."

"Like this?" Naruto asked excitedly, molding his hands into a hand-sign, concentrating his gaze on the half-empty bowl.

"_Exactly_! Now, let it all go in one burst! Release your chakra on the ramen, and learn the way of Ramen no Jutsu!"

Sasuke's eyes popped open. "No, Naruto, don't—"

_BOOM_!

..._SPLAT_!

Kakashi couldn't stop himself, so he doubled over in laughter.

The bowl of ramen had exploded, scattering wet, sticky noodles on the counter, floor, walls, Naruto, and ...Sakura.

The pink-haired ninja was frozen, ramen dangling from her hair. An interesting twitch developed in her eye, and her teeth slowly began to grind together. She snapped her eyes to Naruto. "Y-you're... _DEAD_, NARUTO!"

"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry!"

"Sorry's not good enough! Now, _I'm taking you out_!" Sakura roared, cracking her knuckles threateningly.

Naruto cowered under her demonic, blood-thirsty eyes.

"Calm yourself, Sakura," Kakashi smiled, placing a hand on her head. "It's not Naruto's fault. It's mine."

"But... but, Master Kakashi, it's his fault for not recognizing the fact that there is no such thing as 'Ramen no Jutsu'!"

"He's Uzumaki Naruto, Sakura. What do you expect? Ramen clouds his judgment."

"_Yeah_!" Naruto defended. However, realization quickly came that it wasn't a compliment. "Hey, _wait_!"

Sakura giggled, anger dissipating. "I suppose so."

Kakashi gave her a happy eye crease.

Sasuke finished his bowl and picked up his tea, staring at the wall.

"Guess I'm going to have to order more ramen," Naruto grumbled, "and Master Kakashi is paying for it!"

"I never said that." Kakashi waved a scolding finger.

"You should! It's your fault that I didn't get to finish my other one! You're buying, and that's final!"

As Naruto called for another bowl, Sakura picked at a noodle threaded through her bangs. She was surprised when a hand appeared in her view, helping to pluck the mess out. She raised a questioning eyebrow at Kakashi. "What are you doing?"

"It would appear that I'm cleaning ramen from your hair," Kakashi chuckled.

"When has the great Copy-Ninja ever been that nice?" Sakura feigned seriousness.

"That's not very nice. I've been kind to you little brats plenty of times."

"I could count those times on one hand." Sakura rolled her eyes playfully.

"Watch it, or I won't help you with this."

They were interrupted when the Ichiraku owner made his appearance and sobbed over his precious noodles while Naruto struggled to explain how it had happened.

"Hey, Master Kakashi? You never did tell us how you ate that ramen and drank your tea without removing your mask. And don't tell me it was 'ramen-jutsu'!" Sakura grumbled.

"Ancient ninja secret?"

"Try again."

"Fine, fine. I lifted my chopsticks to my mouth," he explained, demonstrating, "... and I put the noodles in my mouth."

"You couldn't have finished off that entire bowl and tea in five seconds! No way! Not even you are that good, Master Kakashi!"

"Believe it!" Kakashi winked, imitating Naruto.

"You're so infuriating! Please tell me!"

"I just did. I ate it like any other person would."

Sakura sighed and turned away. "Fine! Be that way!"

Finishing his second bowl, Naruto grinned in satisfaction. "So good! I can never get enough! But, now I need... something sweet," he mumbled, turning in his seat to scan the shops intently. "There!"

"Loser. Who craves sweets after ramen and tea?"

"I do! And I bet you that I can eat more patties than you!"

Never one to back down from a challenge, Sasuke shot Naruto a fierce glare and huffed, "You'll never win."

"We'll be right back, Master Kakashi, Sakura!" Naruto called over his shoulder as he sprinted to the sweets vendor.

Sasuke followed the enthusiastic boy, sliding his hands into his pockets.

Left with only Kakashi for company, Sakura delicately consumed more noodles. She sighed. "Next time, I pick out our place of celebration."

"You really want to know what I did with my ramen and tea?" Kakashi inquired, poking Sakura gently.

"Yes!"

Kakashi wordlessly lowered his eyes to his lap.

Sakura followed his line of sight and gasped at the mess of ramen there. "W-why'd you do _that_?"

"Well, I wasn't going to risk you three seeing my face by eating. So, naturally, the only way to get you and Naruto-kun riled up was to dispose of the ramen and tea... on my lap."

"...Isn't it hot?"

"Scalding."

"Um... want to stick with 'Ramen no Jutsu'?"

"Sure." His eye creased happily. Then... it opened slightly.

Sakura could imagine a wicked smile tugging at his lips.

"How much do you bet that I can get Naruto with 'ramen jutsu' again?"

"Two sweet rice patties."

"Deal."

Sakura giggled and spun around in her seat. "Oh, Naruto?" she called, her tone sickeningly-sweet.

"Just a minute, Sakura! Let me finish kicking Sasuke's butt!"

This gave Sakura an idea. "What about Sasuke?" she whispered to Kakashi.

A glint appeared in his eye. "_Four_ sweet rice patties."

"Deal."

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End file.
